brianz_yo_papi

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 03:41:14 GMT

im mad and i school is great but really tiring, and i hate people who treat me like shit, and i hate having to call people because i know they wont call me, and i hate when people pretend they forget to call me.. so if you dont want to hang out with me, fine, fuck you, but dont pretend like you want to because i dont need you in my life and i dont need to wait for you to call while i waste my night and you dont think about me....
i need to leave and go away for a long time and come back.

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 03:33:56 GMT

its so hard to make new friends.
everyone has their little clique, and even if you dont, you do
and the people who arent in a clique and love people and give people a chance are the greatest and you cant just abandon all the friends youve gone through so much with to leave, and you cant not hang out with the people who are nice because theyre amazing and youre jealous of them. and you cant have the two groups together beacuse they dont like each other because theyre so different in so many good ways.
i wish it was easier...

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 08:45:51 GMT

2008... it was so crazy. it probably had the best and worst parts of my life. ive changed so much, and i think its for the best(but then again, isnt that the point of change, because we think its better for ourselves?) i would post pictures of everything ive done, but i dont take any. january was my first wespac show, it was really fun, and it was the beginning of my "badass motherfucker" sort of phase. i dont really know how else to describe it. february was the lls show and it kicked ass. i went to a bunch more wespac shows and got familiar with some really great people. i dont remember anything exciting in march, except that i was so fucking happy stepinac was ending soon. april was the same, more shows, starting drinking and smoking. may was anarchy kickball which was so much fun. i met a bunch of great people and i had a really great time. the summer started off really good. iwent to a bunch of shows and snuck out to alot of places. i hung out with alot of people, and then in august got caught drunk and was grounded until october. it sucked, and it was really dumb, and not smoking and drinking is one of the biggest tchanges that im really happy i dont do anymore. october was my birthday, which was extremely dissappointing. school was amazing and i loved all of my friends at wp. i havent mentioned them much, but theyve also impacted my life. i feel i used to be sort of a prick to people i didnt think were "cool?(idk how to describe it) but meeting the wphs kids really showed me to give everyone a chance. november is suprisingly blurry, i remember drinking alot of tea and playing board games. december went by so fast. alot of schoolwork, but still fun. christmas really sort of sucked, but whatever. im really happy 2007 ended, but i still feel a little dissappointed in myself. last year, my new years resolution was to go to syf, which i didnt get to do. my parents have been complete assholes since august and i cant stand them... this year, my resolution is to be friendly to everyone, and to go to syf, and to focus on school alot. i dont know, but i have a feeling that 2008 is going to be fun.

sorry this is so long, but i just feel that this year needed to be written about somewhere.

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 09:03:24 GMT

it was good to be in wespac again, i really enjoyed myself. i felt weird though, there were so many people, and it was just overall crazy... my moms birthday is new years eve, which means i probably wont be able to hang out in the day, and probably not in the night. it really sucks, but whatever. its like 4 oclock in the morning and i dont know what to do. ive been working on homework for most of the day. im supposed to go out with my friend to lunch tomorrow, which will probably be followed by a ridiculous amount of homework. i cant beleve i have this much to do. i went out tonight(last night?) and it was okay, i havent written in here in so long. i miss everyone, i really do, so call me up, im probably good for chilling.
ahh bye

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 06:15:37 GMT

i feel like shit. everything goes wrong for me health-wise about every 3 to 4 months. I got my braces tightened yesterday, i have an annoying cold, alot of work, and i feel generally like crap.it was my friends birthday and while eeveryone was celebrating it, i was just sitting at home feeling shitty.
god i hate being fucking sick!!!!!!!!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
and i went to school today only so i could go out tonight but then i fell asleep and felt like shit and wanted to dieeeeeeeeeee
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i have really funny health projects to show you. they're public service announcements about drugs.
funnyyyy
bye

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 06:09:07 GMT

i feel like everyone is doing things and i cant and i want to
and everyone who i used to hang out with this past year is drifting away.
come back into my life!
im at such an awkward stage now, i have friends who are really close and cool, but the people who are really great are moving further and further away. help meeee.

on a lighter note, ive decided to try to reread harry potter.
im starting with the 1st book and im already halfway through it
actually... more.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 23:49:10 GMT

so much has happened in this year,
its gone by so fast. i consider november the month where everything changed.
in november, i met all of my close friends from white plains high school. i met rachelle corcoran on the turkey bowl and my friends from wphs as well as the westchester scene which changed my life.
december i became closer with whps people, i became closer with rachelle and in january, i snuck to my first show. i kept sneaking in february, march, and april. may was fun, it was anarchy kickball, the end of stepinac. the summer was good. i loved july, and august completely sucked. i feel like everything this year sounds so simple, but its really not. it would take forever to explain everything
and although i did alot of dumb shit, and i did alot of stuff where i couldve gotten caught, theyve all helped me grow into the person i am today, and i dont think the person that was me wouldve liked me, which is good, beacuse ive deff changed for the betteer

thanks to anyone whose been my friend and helped me to be the person i am now.

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 04:44:36 GMT

in the summer i snuck to tammys house alot and i was thinking about it today.
was it worth it?
should i have asked?
should i have not gone?

and i was just thinking, and i thought that it was definetly worth it, and although august sucked, summer was okay, and i dont regret sneaking to shows this past year, and i dont regret doing anything i did because it helped me realize who i am, and although im sure ill probably change and think something else of this situation, this will help me know who i am
you know?
i love wphs. i was just thinking about stepinac and how i wont ever drink until im out of high school because the thought of going back there is just so bad! and wphs is so good. it would be so embarassing if i had to leave, too. can someone tell me about all the shows that are at wespac in the next two months? i really have been show deprived, and i want to go.

call me. lets hang out.

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 02:09:30 GMT

yo. my birthday sort of sucked.
i hate how i do really great things for you, i bake you a cake, and i get you a gift, and i walked in and you dont even remember its my birthday.
well fuck you, thats the last time i waste my money or stay up doing homework because i baked you a fucking cake.

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 04:16:33 GMT

i have the gross feeling of being sick. when you have a tissue, you dont need one, and the second your away from one, your nose starts running again, and your nose is red because youve used so many tissues.

that feeling.
but i think it might soon be over. at least thats what im hoping, because i hate being sick. i just woke up from a 5-hour nap

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 23:44:13 GMT

i feel like death... i have a cold.
this day is really hazy and feels like a dream...
im not hungry and i feel like its 10, but its like 745..
hopefully its just allergies and i dont have my yearly cold from hell..

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 00:22:48 GMT

school is fun.
life's okay. everything is going ma way.

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 21:04:56 GMT

pans labyrinth is so great. watch it.

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 01:27:00 GMT

the word of the day is definitely academic opportunity.

wphs is so amazing.
i really love it there, not only because i feel really great there, and see my friends alot, but because they have so much to offer
okay so this is my schedule for next year if it went how i wanted it to:

spanish 3a
french 3r
ap us
ela honors 11(or some english elective)
chem honors
physics honors(hopefully the lab will switch off and be the same period, that would be amazzzzzinggggg)
math b honors
then i would probably take like 1 more class and have 1 study hall
probably like pyschology, i think that'd be cool.

i am so excited about this

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 02:05:02 GMT

i've been pretty bored.
i think my favorite is the one that says vote on it.

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 02:34:42 GMT

so lemme tell you the story

my sister like slapped me REALLY hard, which she thinks is okay and shit, and she thinks shes all cute so then i go downstairs and like am holding my nose and shit cuz it hurts and then i tell my parents then they go crazy and theyre like "OH MY GOD GET HER DOWN HERE" so then:
Brian: no dad stop no dont call her down its not that important
Dad: why?
Brian: UGH CAN YOU JUST NOT
Then my parents do anyway, like assholes. My mom goes to get her and my dad is YELLING at me so my sister geets in trouble and shit and then i get hit from my dad(really rational and mature)
Dad: if you didnt want us yelling at her then why did you tell us?(and is a fucking asshole.)

so my mom is in the room and i start talking to her, hoping she might be a little bit understanding:
Brian: mom you know, i mean, if you guys are going to react like this, how do you think ill be able to call you guys and ask you to come pick me up if people are drinking? how do you expect me to trust you if when i tell you something you act completely irrational. you guys want me to be honest, but then dont listen to me
Mom: well, if you have that attitude, then you wont be out for 3 years, 10 years I DONT CARE".
Brian: see, you want me to be honest, i couldve just left an said "okay sorry" but i didnt i told you whaty i felt, but im still getting in trouble,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and so my dad comes back in and is being an asshole and then my mom thinks i need therapy(which i don't think i do)

but this is the part i really love

Mom: theres no reason she should be hitting you
Brian: oh my god, dad just hit me for no reason if emily is getting in trouble for hitting people he should too then my mom was all like calling me crazy (she seems to do that whenever we fight) and i leave

does anyone understand? am i really crazy? like can someone help me to see if im fucking insane or not? do i really need help?

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 19:42:36 GMT

so my parents told me:
im going to wphs (phew)
im grounded for the whole month of september(eek)
thats pretty much it.
i mean, it couldve been alot worse.
itll be good.
i have a strange good feeling that liife will work itself out.

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 23:34:29 GMT

yesterday and today have been really fucking bad. last night i got drunk which is really dumb and i dont plan on doing again, then my parents caught me and i was getting over being drunk and sitting, and thinking, and then my sister told me that they wanted me back at stepinac, and i was like shit no. so if they do tell me that i have to go back there, then im going to run away. and i know it sounds dumb and 2nd grade-ish, but im NOT going back there.
so today i wake up and im just thinking about life and stuff. i was thinking about how much stepinac sucked
so then my dad tells me to get in the car, and we head towards stepinac, and i kept on praying that someone would crash into us. it was so bad, i really just wanted someone to fucking kill me. so we get to my friends house, which is realy close to stepinac, and tells me to tell him EVERYPLACE ive drinken before, and im like uhh no where
and hes ike "BULLSHIT" and so he starts driving again and he says "there are a couple of places that i think youve drinken at. blah blah blah" and so he starts driving to all these places, and i was just hoping we would get into a car accident. so we get home and my moms all crying and shes talking to me and asking me to talk to her and stuff. so then we're talking andi tell her that before i knew i was leaving stepinac(before i was introduced to everyone who is amazing) i wanted to kill myself and then she said that i needed therapy and she wanted me to talk to her and she wanted me to realize it was serious.
and so they might not let me go to the high school, but i cant do itl. i cant go back to stepinac, i really cant, id rather go to any other fucking school then that fucking hell hole. and i dont care what my parents say, if they mak me go there, ill cut class and school and theyll just be more pissed but i cant go back there.

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 00:38:00 GMT

im drunk
and my parents caught me
and i9 hate myself
and im grounded forever.

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 04:06:12 GMT

i make shoes.
you like????

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 03:48:26 GMT

this weekend was fun
friday- party- it was okay, i liked it. fun
saturday- pierced my ear, but it already closed. get on a train, asked if it was local, people tell me it is. then its not and its an express to grand central. i get off at harlem, get back, go to bxville, and hang out with my friend who just got out of the hospital. then i go back to wp and hang out for a little bit and go home
sunday- went to veronicas tag sale, went to crestwood, hung out with tammy and candido, came home and went to this park

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 03:48:16 GMT

scariest thing ever happened
not kidding
totally serious
scariest thing: watching a man kill himself. i saw a man, falling (found out later it was 10 stories). his face was smased in and blood was everywhere. it was crazy. the craziest thing ive ever seen.

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 03:11:17 GMT

so my job started. its really rediculous.
ny state dept of labor
im an intern
let me tell you about the people. let me inform you that most of them are really insane

shaniqua?- in her 30s. giant lips, annoying, doesnt do work just sits there and "chills"

charlotte- crazy!! she definetly pops pills(she kind of told me today) and has very rodent-like qualities

elyse- half deaf. looks like a man. thin hair. nice, though. least crazy if i had to say which, but still has her share of the wacky powdeer

john- pedofil-ish. late 30s early 40s. boring.

tony- really really crazy. always tells me to join the marines. really really creepy and weird. 50s

bruce- really crazy, and i think hes really racist. onbnox, and mosdef crazy

gary- receptionist. weird, and was fighting on the phone with someone

angela- not necessarily crazy, mainly just freakishly tall

anthony- drools, lazy eye. hes got it ALL. crazyness. talks funny, but im not going to tease him for that.

katie- one of the other interns. shes okay, not funny looking or crazy, just really really pompous.

elizabeth- nice, not crazy, or weird looking, just hella-annoying and mad dumb.

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 03:15:49 GMT

so today i was thinking about alot of things.
i really was thinking about anarchy and how much i dont like it. i was thinking to myself, whats the reason for anarchy? just so assholes can drink and smoke weed when they want? i was thinking mainly about large corporations, and how 1st world countries would exploit 3rd world countries and there would be nothing anyone could do about it. i thought about how wal-mart, after doing something wrong, was like stopped from building in towns and had to pay money for law suits and i thought about how good that was because consumer awareness leads to change. and i thought if we lived in like a country without a system of laws how alot of the things that would be really bad would occur. and i mean, sure, who wouldnt want to be able to legally smoke and drink or whatever, but i mean, what is the complete basis of anarchy. i understand that an anarchist, and maybe their friends, think that the world would be peacefful, but it would just be a chance for people to take advantage of others, and so i said hey that sucks. yaeh, i saw jack sweeney and willie, which was really cool and i was kind of upset that i didnt see lyndsay or steve, but there will be other times.

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 02:58:02 GMT

so im still in this really shitty mood. i feel like nothing with go right. im so tired of everything, im eating ALOT, but thats besides the point. i think ive decided the reason im upset is because i look around and im so jealous of everyone around me. they have so much freedom, and they do what they want, but i cant, and when my job starts, ill feel even worse. anyone know how to get me out of this mood?