im mad and i school is great but really tiring, and i hate people who treat me like shit, and i hate having to call people because i know they wont call me, and i hate when people pretend they forget to call me.. so if you dont want to hang out with me, fine, fuck you, but dont pretend like you want to because i dont need you in my life and i dont need to wait for you to call while i waste my night and you dont think about me....
i need to leave and go away for a long time and come back.

its so hard to make new friends.
everyone has their little clique, and even if you dont, you do
and the people who arent in a clique and love people and give people a chance are the greatest and you cant just abandon all the friends youve gone through so much with to leave, and you cant not hang out with the people who are nice because theyre amazing and youre jealous of them. and you cant have the two groups together beacuse they dont like each other because theyre so different in so many good ways.
i wish it was easier...

2008... it was so crazy. it probably had the best and worst parts of my life. ive changed so much, and i think its for the best(but then again, isnt that the point of change, because we think its better for ourselves?) i would post pictures of everything ive done, but i dont take any. january was my first wespac show, it was really fun, and it was the beginning of my "badass motherfucker" sort of phase. i dont really know how else to describe it. february was the lls show and it kicked ass. i went to a bunch more wespac shows and got familiar with some really great people. i dont remember anything exciting in march, except that i was so fucking happy stepinac was ending soon. april was the same, more shows, starting drinking and smoking. may was anarchy kickball which was so much fun. i met a bunch of great people and i had a really great time. the summer started off really good. iwent to a bunch of shows and snuck out to alot of places. i hung out with alot of people, and then in august got caught drunk and was grounded until october. it sucked, and it was really dumb, and not smoking and drinking is one of the biggest tchanges that im really happy i dont do anymore. october was my birthday, which was extremely dissappointing. school was amazing and i loved all of my friends at wp. i havent mentioned them much, but theyve also impacted my life. i feel i used to be sort of a prick to people i didnt think were "cool?(idk how to describe it) but meeting the wphs kids really showed me to give everyone a chance. november is suprisingly blurry, i remember drinking alot of tea and playing board games. december went by so fast. alot of schoolwork, but still fun. christmas really sort of sucked, but whatever. im really happy 2007 ended, but i still feel a little dissappointed in myself. last year, my new years resolution was to go to syf, which i didnt get to do. my parents have been complete assholes since august and i cant stand them... this year, my resolution is to be friendly to everyone, and to go to syf, and to focus on school alot. i dont know, but i have a feeling that 2008 is going to be fun.

sorry this is so long, but i just feel that this year needed to be written about somewhere.

it was good to be in wespac again, i really enjoyed myself. i felt weird though, there were so many people, and it was just overall crazy... my moms birthday is new years eve, which means i probably wont be able to hang out in the day, and probably not in the night. it really sucks, but whatever. its like 4 oclock in the morning and i dont know what to do. ive been working on homework for most of the day. im supposed to go out with my friend to lunch tomorrow, which will probably be followed by a ridiculous amount of homework. i cant beleve i have this much to do. i went out tonight(last night?) and it was okay, i havent written in here in so long. i miss everyone, i really do, so call me up, im probably good for chilling.
ahh bye

i feel like shit. everything goes wrong for me health-wise about every 3 to 4 months. I got my braces tightened yesterday, i have an annoying cold, alot of work, and i feel generally like crap.it was my friends birthday and while eeveryone was celebrating it, i was just sitting at home feeling shitty.
god i hate being fucking sick!!!!!!!!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
and i went to school today only so i could go out tonight but then i fell asleep and felt like shit and wanted to dieeeeeeeeeee
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i have really funny health projects to show you. they're public service announcements about drugs.
funnyyyy
bye

i feel like everyone is doing things and i cant and i want to
and everyone who i used to hang out with this past year is drifting away.
come back into my life!
im at such an awkward stage now, i have friends who are really close and cool, but the people who are really great are moving further and further away. help meeee.

on a lighter note, ive decided to try to reread harry potter.
im starting with the 1st book and im already halfway through it
actually... more.

so much has happened in this year,
its gone by so fast. i consider november the month where everything changed.
in november, i met all of my close friends from white plains high school. i met rachelle corcoran on the turkey bowl and my friends from wphs as well as the westchester scene which changed my life.
december i became closer with whps people, i became closer with rachelle and in january, i snuck to my first show. i kept sneaking in february, march, and april. may was fun, it was anarchy kickball, the end of stepinac. the summer was good. i loved july, and august completely sucked. i feel like everything this year sounds so simple, but its really not. it would take forever to explain everything
and although i did alot of dumb shit, and i did alot of stuff where i couldve gotten caught, theyve all helped me grow into the person i am today, and i dont think the person that was me wouldve liked me, which is good, beacuse ive deff changed for the betteer

thanks to anyone whose been my friend and helped me to be the person i am now.

in the summer i snuck to tammys house alot and i was thinking about it today.
was it worth it?
should i have asked?
should i have not gone?

and i was just thinking, and i thought that it was definetly worth it, and although august sucked, summer was okay, and i dont regret sneaking to shows this past year, and i dont regret doing anything i did because it helped me realize who i am, and although im sure ill probably change and think something else of this situation, this will help me know who i am
you know?
i love wphs. i was just thinking about stepinac and how i wont ever drink until im out of high school because the thought of going back there is just so bad! and wphs is so good. it would be so embarassing if i had to leave, too. can someone tell me about all the shows that are at wespac in the next two months? i really have been show deprived, and i want to go.

call me. lets hang out.

yo. my birthday sort of sucked.
i hate how i do really great things for you, i bake you a cake, and i get you a gift, and i walked in and you dont even remember its my birthday.
well fuck you, thats the last time i waste my money or stay up doing homework because i baked you a fucking cake.

i have the gross feeling of being sick. when you have a tissue, you dont need one, and the second your away from one, your nose starts running again, and your nose is red because youve used so many tissues.

that feeling.
but i think it might soon be over. at least thats what im hoping, because i hate being sick. i just woke up from a 5-hour nap